Frank Donsky! Bless his soul. He’s the one that got me in trouble with the Rabbi. It was February of 2000. We had just gotten over the Y2K bug and I was a few months into studying with the Rabbi in what would amount to a year and a half preparation for my conversion. I had just tossed down a shot of cheap Canadian bourbon at the Kiddish table and was heading over to get a bowl of the Rabbi’s cholent when Frank grabbed my arm. “I see you here every week” Frank started, “you know we’re having a Men’s Club meeting this Sunday. You should come.” I had no idea what a Men’s Club meeting was but Franks the kind of guy you just can’t say no to.
Frank Donsky was already 84 when I met him. He was only in his 20’s when he went off to fight the Nazi’s in World War II. As a Corporal he fought in the U.S. Army in France in 1944. I remember him telling me that when the troops were being moved by truck, he liked to sit in the middle as the guys on the sides were more vulnerable to shells going off near the truck. As luck would have it, in Franks words, this one day he had to take a dump. They stopped the truck so Frank could go off in the field. When he returned to the truck, his spot had been taken and he found himself sitting on the side of the truck.
The German shell did go off near the truck, sending shrapnel into Frank’s leg. They placed him in a nearby barn to wait for the medics which were a day or two behind. By the time the medics found him, his leg was heavily infected and had to be removed. The ceramic prosthetic that they gave him was not anything like the mechanical marvels that you see now on our returning vets. It had to be strapped on each morning and caused him significant pain every day for the rest of his life.
I don’t know what Frank was like before he lost his leg but by the time I met him he was a grouch that would make Oscar the Grouch look like Mother Teresa. He didn’t take anything from anyone, including the Rabbi. Frank also had a heart of gold and would be the first to help those in need. He loved his Temple and he was very proud and protective of his Men’s Club. So when I show up on Sunday morning, Frank puts a pen and paper in front of me and says he wants me to take notes. That’s easy enough, I can do that. Then, as the meeting gets started Frank announces that he just made me Secretary which meets with a nice round of applause. I’m thinking, I really like this Men’s Club idea.
The problem starts after the meeting when Frank and I are walking down the hall. Who should we bump into but the Rabbi, who stops to chat. Frank of course announces that I’m the new Secretary of the Men’s Club. The Rabbi reminds Frank that I’m not yet Jewish and am not eligible to be a committee officer. Frank, in his own style, says “well, I just made him the Secretary and that’s that.” Frank, without waiting for a response, turns and walks away. As I continued to study with the Rabbi for another fourteen months, I also continued being the Men’s Club Secretary.
The Beth David Men’s Club never did a Men’s Club Shabbat. But Frank Donsky instilled in me an appreciation and a love for what the Men’s Club stood for. An opportunity for the men of the temple to come together, to build relationships and to develop friendships. All the many programs we would develop to help the temple and its members over the years were nothing without spending time to first build those sacred relationships.
After moving to B’rith Kodesh, the 160 year old Reform Temple in Rochester, New York, I got my first experience of a Brotherhood Shabbat. And it was a disaster. We made every mistake in the book and we invented a few of our own. So the following year when I got to organize it myself, I knew what I didn’t want to do. It was a major improvement. As my confidence grew I became more inventive. Based on a setup I saw at a Conservative Temple in Canada, I organized a Tableside Shabbat. Using rectangular tables arranged in a giant u-shape, the entire congregation celebrated the Friday Shabbat Service, Friday night home rituals and dinner around these tables in the social hall. Some people said it was their best Shabbat Service ever.
I organized another Tableside Shabbat the following year by popular demand. This time I developed a Shabbat Walk to precede the service based on an experience I had at a week-long Kallah with Reb Zalman Schachter-Shalomi and the Renewal movement. As you walked through the hallways of the temple, there were meditations to read to put you in the mood for Shabbat. One that talked about the Candy Man of the temple had a bowl of mints by it. Another at the entrance to a dark room had numerous candles glowing along with Leonard Nimoy’s poem on the glow of candles on Shabbat.
When I left B’rith Kodesh to move to DC, I thanked them for letting me experiment with my Judaism. What we know today of Judaism is significantly different than Biblical Judaism, Rabbinate Judaism or even the Judaism of the 40’s and 50’s. All we know for sure is that Judaism will continue to evolve to meet the needs of its members in whatever future society they face.
That brings us to this very first ever Men of CSS Shabbat. The Men of CSS Shabbat. Who are these men of CSS? They are your grand-fathers, your fathers, your husbands, sons, brothers and uncles. Some are Jewish and some are not. Some are young and others, not so much. What all these men have in common is a love and caring for our sacred temple, the sacred community we call Sha’are Shalom. We meet at restaurants and over a warm meal, a bottle of wine, a few beers, coke, tea or coffee; we do the sacred work of building relationships. We can only guess at the many programs and activities that will come from the foundation of these relationships in the years to come.
I’m proud of this ragtag bunch of guys. And if you haven’t noticed, a little protective also. Maybe I got a little bit of Frank Donsky in me, who knows. This week’s Torah portion completes the Book of Exodus so that our next Shabbat service will be in the Book of Leviticus. It is our custom when finishing a book of Torah to say chazak, chazak, v’nitchazek. This blessing applies as well to the Men of CSS. Be strong, be strong, and may we be strengthened.
Shabbat Shalom