by Lorraine Blatt – Librarian
Mourning & Mitzvah
A Guided Journal for Walking the Mourner’s Path Through Grief to Healing
By Anne Brener
This book is “an integration of Jewish tradition and modern professional resources. It gives spiritual insight and healing wisdom to those in our own time who mourn a death, to those who would help them, and to those who face a loss of any kind.” The book bridges the gap between Judaism and psychology. It focuses on the wisdom of Jewish tradition and its understanding of the process of healing.
Mourning is a process that takes its own time and path for each person. There is no “proper” way to mourn. We each mourn in our own way. People experience grief differently and grieve differently. There is no right way to grieve and you do not have to grieve for the rest of your life. This book shows you ways to travel through grief using the traditions of Judaism. Grieving is a personal process; it has no time limit and there is no right way to grieve. That said, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross described five stages of grief in her famous 1969 book On Death and Dying:
– Denial and isolation: denying the reality of the loss and rationalizing the overwhelming emotions that result
– Anger: at what has occurred
– Bargaining: make a deal with G-d, needing to regain control
– Depression: sadness and regret
– Acceptance: preparation to separate and bid farewell
Most of us go through these stages, though the stages may not be in this order and one may not go through each one. Our survival instinct is strong and the fact that we can survive can be a source of hope.
Judaism has some rituals that help us through the process. We must learn to not hold our breath but to breathe so we can move from one stage of mourning to another until we are able to embrace life again. We come out changed in some ways but we can be whole again.
The book is divided into three parts and includes exercises and insights to help one move through the various stages of mourning. The first part is Tzimzum – Contraction. It is beginning the process of healing and finding your place of comfort. Part 2 is Shevirat Kelim – The Breaking of Vessels. It includes rending the garment to expose the heart, to help yourself cope with depression and learn to nourish yourself in the midst of anxiety. It is used to focus your feelings, deal with your regrets, your ability to forgive and coping with the sadness. This part of the book leads you to reach out for healing and wholeness. The third part is Tikkun – Healing: learning to live on in the world of the living, coming to terms with biological and physical immortality, and learning to count the blessings of your relationship with your loved one and those presently in your life. Also being able to deal with your demons and reach the light and becoming aware of the teachings of your relationship and finding thanksgiving in the positives. And finally, finding Shalom. “Shalom welcomes the seasons, says farewell to the past, and makes peace with what life has brought.”
Grief work can be brief or take a long time. There is no set time; it is what time is best for each of us individually. We have all suffered loss and we all, at some point in time, come to terms with the loss and come out the other side to life.
One does not have to be religious or even Jewish to gain insights from the sequence of rituals that surround one’s loss. One only needs to want to find a way to make sense of our feelings and learn how to grow from the experience.
If you wish to borrow any books from the library please sign up on the 3×5 card tablet on the table in the library. Be sure to leave your name and phone number. Please return book(s) to the library after 4 weeks or contact me at [email protected] or at 772-359-7370 if you wish to keep a book longer.