by Lorraine Blatt, Librarian
“How Good Do We Have To Be?”
By Rabbi Harold Kushner
Harold Kushner, the author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People, gives us, in this new book, another perspective on guilt and inadequacy. A quote from the book puts its essence into simple terms: “Life is not a trap set for us by G_d, so that He can condemn us for failing. Life is not a spelling bee, where no matter how many words you have gotten right, if you make one mistake you are disqualified. Life is like a baseball game, where even the best team loses one-third of its games and even the worst team has its days of brilliance.
Our goal is not to go all year without ever losing a game. Our goal is to win more games than we lose, and if we can do that consistently enough, then when the end comes, we will have won it all.” (pg 180-181).
“G_d does not expect us to be perfect as this is not part of human nature. While the guilt and shame that haunts us as part of sin are normal consequences of our sins, it is functional to know we are in error.” (pg 181)
Kushner explores the Garden of Eden and the concept of original sin. He suggests that original sin allows us to feel the same discomfort G_d feels when He sins (makes a mistake in judgment). The disobedience shown in the Garden of Eden came to be known as Original Sin, like a gene for the badness that is passed down from generation to generation. Kushner has a different take on this concept. Kushner sees Adam and Eve as brave rather than disobedient, willing to risk losing paradise to become fully human. He believes that the imperfections of humankind do not merit the loss of G_d’s love, nor should they foster the guilt and shame that they do in a society driven by a misguided attachment to perfection. This was the wisdom we earned from the Tree of Knowledge.
We are forced to feel the same stress when our children fail as when G_d sees us fail. Yet we still love our children. This goes to the main point of the book. G_d loves us despite our failings. You do not have to be perfect to be loved, nor must you expect people you love to be perfect. You need to love the whole person: not disregard their faults (“blind love”) but accept the person with their quirks and iconoclastic behavior. Combining psychology and spirituality, Kusher invokes the power of acceptance and forgiveness as a means of overcoming the insidious consequences of a preoccupation with perfection.
Kushner’s book puts feelings of guilt and inadequacy into perspective. He speaks to the reader in the voice that says, “I will guide you through this minefield of difficult moral choices, sharing with you the insights and experiences of the greatest souls of the past, and I will offer you comfort and forgiveness when you are troubled by the painful choices you made.” Throughout the book Kushner discusses many examples of what guilt has been for us. He uses “Original Sin,” “Paradise Lost,” and many other stories to show how we have interpreted G_d’s expectations of us to mean that we are born sinners who must become perfect — which of course, is not, as Kushner points out, G_d’s expectation of us.
Kushner states that “my experience as a clergyman and a counselor has taught me that much of the unhappiness people feel burdened by, much of the guilt, much of the sense of having been cheated by life, stems from one of two related causes: either somewhere along the way, somebody – a parent, a teacher, a religious leader – gave them the message that they were not good enough and they believe it; or else they came to expect and need more from the people around them — their parents, children, husbands, or wives – than those people could realistically deliver.” He calls the Garden of Eden story the story of the first human beings’ graduation from the uncomplicated world to knowing that good and evil exists, and that what is most important to us as human beings is to live with integrity. He suggests if Adam and Eve had not eaten from the Tree of Knowledge they would not have had feelings or individual thoughts. Therefore it would not have mattered what happened around them. The book gives the reader good insights into the concept of guilt and a need for perfectionism. We need not be perfect; rather we must strive to be the best we can be and forgive ourselves and others for being human.
Sale Book Cart: Books for Bucks
Check out the Books for Bucks book cart in the Sha’are Shalom lobby. We are selling used paperback and hardcover books as a continuing fundraiser for the synagogue. Paperbacks are 50 cents and hardbacks $1. Put your cash or check in the container on the cart.
Donations to Books for Bucks will become the property of the Congregation. Please donate books only in good condition and in quantities of fewer than 25. Leave your name, phone, email, and the date of your donation in a note with any books you donate.
Contact Lorraine Blatt at 242lorraine@gmail.com or 772-359-7370.
Please remember to leave a note with your name when dropping off books at the library. Thanks!